


It's enough

by Esinde Nayrall (red_squared)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: rs_small_gifts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-23 21:24:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/626676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_squared/pseuds/Esinde%20Nayrall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easily.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lesyeuxverts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesyeuxverts/gifts).



> Written for [](http://rs-small-gifts.livejournal.com/profile)[**rs_small_gifts**](http://rs-small-gifts.livejournal.com/) 2012, for [](http://chiralove.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://chiralove.livejournal.com/)**chiralove** 's prompt: 'mulled wine'. The summary, and the same line in the fic, is a modified quote from Scrubs. Thanks to the modly mods for the opportunity to play, and for putting up with me again this year ♥
> 
> Originally posted [**here**](http://rs-small-gifts.livejournal.com/162586.html).

_I don't know the feeling,_  
So I don't know if it's love,  
But it's enough, it's enough.  
I can't help it,  
I've got to have you.  
  
('I've got to have you" from Wendy Matthews' "Stepping Stones")  
  
~~*~~  
  
"I'm not saying you haven't done it correctly, I'm simply saying that it smells... different," his mother says, approaching the stove cautiously. "Did you burn the spices?"  
  
"Er..."  
  
"Or boil the liquid? It's meant to be simmered -- if it starts to bubble, you should lower the heat."  
  
That particular instruction has never made any sense to Remus. _If it isn't bubbling, then how do you know it's done?_  
  
"Um..."  
  
"You tasted it, at least," she says. She takes the saucepan of mulled wine off the stove and brings it the counter.  
  
"Not... Oh, _merci bien_ ," he says, taking the mugful she's poured for him.  
  
" _Pas de quoi_."  
  
Really, he should have known the game was up when she didn't pour any for herself and instead chose to watch him closely as he drank his.  
  
"So it's... not quite like when you do it."  
  
"Mmm-hmm," she says, with a small smile. "More?"  
  
" _Maman_..."  
  
"You told me you followed the recipe exactly. Are you going to blame this on your friend?"  
  
In theory, he probably could blame it on Sirius, but his mother will never let him hear the end of it if he maligns a _guest_ in such a way.  
  
And technically, it _is_ Sirius' fault. If Remus hadn't been distracted once they'd got home, he wouldn't have left the chores his mother had given him to the last minute. As it was, he'd only started on them after she'd buzzed the intercom to let him know she was home and had to get them done in the two minutes it had taken her to climb the six flights of stairs to their flat.  
  
He wouldn't have been distracted if Sirius had had the faintest understanding that when Remus had said he'd meet him at the station, he'd expected Sirius to catch the train and _not_ to appear on his illegal flying motorbike in black leather and dark blue denim. More to the point, he wouldn't have been distracted if the trip from Piccadilly to his mother's apartment hadn't involved having to really hold onto Sirius as the Black Shadow sped above the streets of Manchester. Or having to slip his hands under Sirius' shirt because damn it, Remus hadn't dressed for this, his hands were cold, and Sirius' belly was --  
  
"You've used magic to make -- in two minutes! -- something that should be simmering for half the evening," she says, before turning to the pantry. It doesn't matter that there isn't an ounce of magic in her -- he's never been able to hide anything from his mother.  
  
"I'm sorry, _maman_." The worst part is that she sounds resigned rather than angry. "Want me to run down to the off-licence and get some more -- "  
  
"And do what with this batch? Simply throw it out?" She looks at him as if he's gone mad. While she's relatively easy-going about many things, she will not tolerate waste. "It can be salvaged, although it will mean there's less fruit for dessert tomorrow night." She sighs, and then proves exactly how little he can hide from her when she adds, "But I suppose you've had other things on your mind tonight, hmm?"  
  
"This is the first time in months Sirius and I haven't fought when we're alone together," he says. He suspects she's only half listening to him anyway, as she cuts dried fruit, ties it in a cloth and then tosses it into the saucepan.  
  
The last few months of their fifth year had been absolutely horrible. He and Sirius had been on again and off again and on again before finally being off again in spectacular fashion, just before O.W.L.s, in a way that made most of the school sit up and take notice even if it hadn't known why. And while Remus had done some things he isn't proud of, he still doesn't think he deserved to have Sirius mocking him all through O.W.L.s, or looking at him as if Remus were something unpleasant on the end of Sirius' boot. And it hadn't helped that all of this happened at the same time Sirius was breaking ties with his family once and for all, and the Marauders' constant skirmishes with the Slytherins got out of hand.  
  
Mother knew almost all about it. James and Peter had taken Sirius' side -- or at least _James_ had taken Sirius' side and Peter had taken James' -- so he wasn't welcome at theirs' over the summer. And he wasn't invited to spend any of the summer with his father's family in France, either. It wasn't normal for him to spend the entire summer with mother, so most of the story had come out -- how he really liked Sirius, and being with Sirius, but that he had his doubts as to whether they could actually make it work between the two of them. And that when they were good, they were very, _very_ good, and when they were bad, they were _awful_.  
  
Sirius, from what Remus has been able to surmise without actually asking him anything directly, spent the summer variously with Alphard Black and with the Potters. When they returned to Hogwarts at the beginning of their sixth year, Sirius no longer exuded an aura of world weary tedium whenever he encountered Remus in company. And the seething malice that undercut their private encounters...  
  
Well, today was the first one since the school year began. Or the second one, really, since the first was when he'd encountered Sirius at Gryffindor Tower after everybody else had left for the Christmas break. Remus had planned to stay a few days and leave after the full moon, since his mother had no capacity for managing his furry little problem, and Sirius -- okay, so today was the third time, since Sirius had been with him in the shack the morning after, and they'd managed a civil conversation in which Remus had invited him home for Christmas.  
  
"We... I lost track of time," he admits. They'd let themselves in through Remus' bedroom window, which had been a mistake. Up to that point, he'd had his face pressed against Sirius' back to avoid windburn and his hands under Sirius' shirt to keep his fingers from freezing. Once they were safely inside four walls, they'd only just been able to keep their hands off one another.  
  
"The poor thing," she murmurs, locating the mulling spices he'd spelled back into the cupboard and adding some more to the saucepan. "He must miss his family very much," she says. "Pass me the orange juice."  
  
As he searches for it in the fridge, it occurs to him that part of the reason Sirius didn't shake him off on the bike may very well be because he misses his family, and wants someone else to belong to.  
  
"I won't keep you from him all evening," she says. He passes her the juice and she pours in a bit before she sets the pan back on the stove. "Just give me ten minutes to show you how to fix this."  
  
He wishes it were just as easy to fix things with Sirius.  
  
~~*~~  
  
"I'm sorry I got you into trouble," Sirius says, as soon as Remus opens the door. "Do you want me to go?"  
  
"Have you even unpacked yet?" he asks, indicating Sirius' scrip.  
  
" _Moony_."  
  
" _Padfoot_. No, I don't want you to go. I'm not in trouble. I got all my jobs done, and while I may have stuffed up the wine, mum's taking care of it."  
  
Sirius gives him a small smile at that, but still looks like he's ready to bolt. "Look, you're all she's got and I'm -- You don't need me ruining your -- "  
  
"You're not ruining anything. You will, if you leave -- mum has everything all planned out."  
  
"Are we..."  
  
"Are we?"  
  
"Are we doing this again?"  
  
"This?"  
  
"Are we a couple again?" Sirius asks.  
  
_Ah_.  
  
If it were six months ago, he probably would have replied with 'do you want to be a couple again', but Remus has learned a thing or two since then.  
  
"I'm sorry I kissed you on the way here."  
  
Sirius look surprised, but he smiles. "No, you're not."  
  
"I am if it's made you uncomfortable. Or if..." There's no way he can suggest that he may have taken advantage of Sirius without Sirius taking it very, _very_ badly. "If it's confused things."  
  
"It hasn't confused anything. Look, we can't be a couple again, Remus," Sirius says. "It never works, and then all we do is hurt each other."  
  
"Padfoot -- "  
  
"So next time you try to jump me, I'll -- "  
  
"You don't want me to jump you?" He's fairly certain that's not right.  
  
Sirius sighs. "I don't want to want it, if that makes any sense at all."  
  
"Oh please, Padfoot. Who do you think you're talking to? Not wanting to want things is what being a werewolf is all about."  
  
He actually gets a smile out of Sirius at that.  
  
"I'd rather have you as my friend forever than as my boyfriend temporarily, Moony."  
  
"Really?"  
  
Perhaps he shouldn't be surprised, but when they'd tried being a couple, he'd been jealous of Sirius' friendship with James. Sirius had always responded that James was his best friend, while Remus was his boyfriend -- something that particularly upset Remus, because he'd always considered Sirius to be both of those things for him.  
  
"Really. I almost lost you," Sirius says quietly. "And I think I still might, if we do this all again."  
  
_But only if we do it all again the same way we have before._  
  
It occurs to him that perhaps his mother was trying to tell him something earlier, without actually interfering. _If you flash boil the **vin chaud** , things get burned. You need to simmer it over a low, steady heat and keep watching and stirring it all evening to get it right. If you want something faster, well... Remember what you tasted earlier? Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easily._  
  
"Don't you agree?" Sirius asks. "Or..."  
  
"Friends, then. I won't jump you, and you're not allowed to jump me either."  
  
"You wish."  
  
_I do, actually_.  
  
He doubts that it will happen immediately, but Remus is willing to spend the rest of his life building up to something more with Sirius, and convincing Sirius that he wants it, too.  
  
But for now, he has Sirius back as his friend, when he thought the other boy might never speak to him ever again.  
  
And for now, it's enough.

**Author's Note:**

> All comments and kudos are appreciated and treasured -- even (especially?) on a fic as old as this one!


End file.
